you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
