Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
