He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
