next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
