your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
