the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
