I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
