Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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