Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
