....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
