the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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