you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
