I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
