somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
