He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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