need another drink. this is the easiest way
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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