Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
