If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
