She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
