So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
