I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
