also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
