Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
