and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
