im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
