I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
