When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize