I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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