then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
