I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
