Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
