she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
