Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
