and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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