Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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