I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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