Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
