i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
