last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
