Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
