Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize