I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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