U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
