I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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