forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
