1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and i looked up. we had an audience...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize