Sacagawea was the original milf.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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