His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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