Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
