He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
