Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
