My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize