Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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