i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
