my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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