Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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