You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
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He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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