I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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