tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
