I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
