"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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