Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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