i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
