Who did Billy Mays play for?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
