I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
